Write to Stop Being Mean to Yourself

When you fall (back) into fierce self-criticism

Hello Dear One, 

How are you? I’m feeling pretty tender and, if I’m honest, the last few days haven’t been my finest. 

Write to Thrive originated, in part, from a hard realisation: I’d been horrible to myself, particularly in my diaries. I believed untrue, unfair things that made me feel awful: because I wrote them down. Reinforcing every negative was carried into my day-to-day life, where I never felt good enough. When I realised the impact my words had I saw the opportunity to change. I could become self-compassionate, and cheerlead myself. It’s what transformed my life, where I am most of the time and what I teach. 

At the time, I didn’t realise that my critical voice was hard-wired to protect me. Now, I do. 

This week I said something to myself that was incredibly cruel; even thinking of it fills me with shame. I would never say, or even think it of another person. But I accepted it readily from myself and went down the old, well-trodden path of believing it. As a result, I felt defeated. I didn’t want to get out of bed. It’s been a long, long time since I’ve had that feeling. I don’t miss it.

The questions above are what I used to help myself work things out. Everything is an invitation. I’m not interested in firing off a journal prompt in the vague hope it lands. I’m also not interested in saying things because they sound inspirational. I’m interested in things which help.

All of this is raw, messy and real. I hope showing up as an imperfect human helps you to know all of you is so welcome. The tools I teach, self-compassion and self-soothing, (the latter being my next pitstop) can support us however we feel. But they take practise. If we don't reach for them and treasure them, their impact falls away.

And, whether or not you’ll write it down, the next time you say something mean, question yourself. Dig a little deeper. Give yourself space to respond.

You’ve got this.

Thanks for being here and being you.

All love,

Jo